The past few weeks my long runs kept getting crappier and harder and I havent had the passion and desire to run like... Last week, 13 miles on the schedule turned into 11.5, this week, 13 turned into 11 and the SLOWEST pace EVER for me! I walked at least 2 of those miles (which I rarely do). I remember praying, "God, please just get me home... running." Selfish, much?
I got home, chugged some Nuun, took a shower and layed down feeling defeated... God didn't help me, I had to walk and I asked him to get me home... Why doesn't he listen when I need him? Then came all the questions and self-doubt. Why do I run anyway... I SUCK... I'm never gonna be any good at it... some people were just born to run and I am not one of them... yadda-yadda-yadda! I remember a sermon not too long ago that the devil comes in when you say I can't... takes that to the Father and says "SEE, she said she can't do it!" She doesn't have faith... Nothing hurts the Father more than saying "I can't"
I CAN... Through Christ, who strengthens me. He certianly got me home, maybe just not the way I wanted him to... but how HE wanted me to! Humbling me... Its OK to walk sometimes, it's OK if your not the best, it's OK if you do worse at your next race than you did the last, its OK! He has me right where he wants me... and HE will be the one to take me where he wants me with my running.
Then it came to me, Its all meaningless... Medals, PR's, My desires... (I just finished reading Ecclesaites ;) if I am not doing it to glorify my God... I had become so worried about shaving minutes off my time, logging more miles each week, and training for the next race that I have forgotten WHY I run, to pray, worship and seek Jesus! DUH! Thankful for the fresh revelation... can't wait to run on Monday, with a fresh perspective and renewed love for running! God's Good!